Yes, Thankfulness is a Real Word

 

It’s hard not to think of this time of year as the in-between time. The Thanksgiving holiday is behind us with Christmas, Kwanzaa and Hannukah starting or about to very soon, quickly followed by a New Year. As a Dad to four children, it feels like there is never enough time to do everything that needs to be done during the holiday season. Time to pull the decorations out of the attic, check the lights, put up the tree, get the kids to please finish their lists for Santa, shopping, and baking (well the last two are helping hide the gifts and tasting the cookies more than anything else) but you get the idea. We hope that we can do everything to make it through the holidays just to maybe get a breather. Do we ever truly take time to just relax and take a deep breath?

This season causes so many of us to lose a part of our minds. There’s the crush of Black Friday, even though the pandemic seemed to lessen the normal rush and battles seen on the local news. The issues with the supply chain have us nervous that we won’t be able to get the exact gifts our loved ones really want. Despite record job growth and low unemployment, rising prices have us all feeling worried. Then add on top of all that, the latest news about a new COVID variant, it’s no wonder we all feel more stressed than ever.

All of this got me thinking about what is means to be grateful. As defined by the Oxford dictionary, grateful is an adjective, whether feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness. To be grateful, there must be a corresponding act from someone else. In other words, we can’t truly be grateful unless someone else gives us a reason to through their actions. This left me a bit complexed. Growing up, I always heard from adults, teachers, my church, and others that you should be grateful for what you have. By definition, the well-meaning push for us to show gratefulness, would be wrong as it requires us to respond or rely on others in order to be grateful.

I’ve spent quite a bit of my time recently reading about mindfulness, well-being, and our connection to others. From a biological perspective, human beings need to feel connected to others despite what Spock or Sheldon Cooper might say. The problem arises when we rely on connections to be happy. All of us have experienced what it feels like to be in a toxic relationship whether with a friend, significant other or family. If so much of our happiness relies on the connection to others, even those that aren’t good for our overall well-being, how can we also rely on others to be grateful? This would mean our personal mental health also relies on others.

I believe there is a much better way. Yes, we should be grateful but why can’t we focus on thankfulness? Before you ask, I did check to see if thankfulness was a real word as it just sounds wrong because we don’t use it. We tend to use gratefulness instead. So, what is the difference? While the feeling of being grateful requires someone or something outside us to trigger it, thankfulness is an act we initiate. We can exhibit thankfulness anytime we want instead of waiting for an outside stimulus. If we think about it long enough, wouldn’t our daily interactions and those around us be so much better if we all began with a thankful mindset? With stores advertising and stocking Christmas items before Halloween was even over, it’s no wonder that our hearts and minds are displaced. We are far too focused outwardly, on the consumerism and politics that surround us, instead of being thankful for being who we are and having connections with others around us. Maybe if we all started with thankfulness, much of the stress, trials, and tribulations we all allow ourselves to experience so readily would matter less. We and our children would be better for it.