October Celebrations

 

The month of October is a special one in my extended family. Besides Halloween, a seemingly large proportion of my family were born during the month. My maternal grandmother and mother were born three days apart but in very different years of course. My closest cousin was born two days before my birthday.  My birthday isn’t just mine but is shared with a great aunt, a first cousin and a second cousin.  Then there is my third child, Keira.  She was born on Friday the 13^th.  A comparison to the horrors associated with such a date could be a reach expect she truly is her own person.  Let me translate that for all the non-parents out there…she gives me a run for my money, and she is still only in 4^th grade.

As parents we expect all our children to be somewhat different, but it astonishes me that my four are so very different despite sharing similar DNA.  My only son, Evan, is the oldest. He has many of the traits that the oldest child often has in families.  He’s a bit cautious because as new parents we were worried about breaking him.  He also tends to try and be the boss. I’m sure it’s just from being the oldest and has nothing to do with his father being a school administrator and superintendent for more than 15 years. Typically, the first born is a type A overachiever, focused on good grades and pleasing his/her parents.  Well, he does well for himself, but that Type A personality trait skipped him and went to his younger sister and my eldest daughter.  Maybe it’s the new middle schooler in him.

Jenna is a go getter.  I thought I pushed myself but she is at a different level.  She takes her studies seriously because she wants to be a Supreme Court Justice like Ruth Bader Ginsburg. She’s also very social, making and keeping friends easily. She is helpful at home and tends to act like a little version of her mother, all in good ways. When our other two daughters were born, she was the big helper, especially for our youngest, Kenzi. Kenzi is almost three years younger so maybe Jenna thought of her as a real-life doll.

Kenzi as the youngest absorbed all the doting behavior from her siblings.  She learned very quickly she could get her siblings to do things for her.  While they finally did catch on to her mild manipulation, she still gets away with more than anyone else.  Ahh, the classic baby of the family syndrome. She now uses humor as a way to get attention and her way.  And to be honest, she makes me laugh when I don’t want to let her know she is funny. From an early age she was our little terror.  As a toddler, she made a face that looked like a Chucky doll.  Because we laughed, she kept making the face until it got to the point we dressed her up as Chucky for Halloween.  The picture attached to this blog post is when she was just over three years old.

This brings me back around to our crazy Keira.  All our children are their own person, but she takes it to a whole new level. She’s an original in so many ways.  While most kids at a young age might be obsessed with being an astronaut or police officer or doctor, Keira’s first choice was to be a WWE wrestler like Ronda Rousey. She can be a princess but rough and tumble at the same time.  When us adults exercise, our face tends to tell then story of how much fun we aren’t having.  Watch kids when they run, and you will often see a smile.  She still smiles ear to ear as she runs around the karate studio or during gym class. Who else will work on their Chromebook while hanging upside down? That’s our Keira.

As our kids grow, we worry about them and what they will become.  We worry about the decisions we make and whether we are doing a good job as parents.  Despite there being a ton of books on parenting and everyone willing to give their opinion, we really are just trying to figure it out as we go.  The same thing happens to us educators.  We constantly reflect on if we are making a difference, how to reach that distant child, or whether we are doing the right thing. The struggle is far greater now as we are still dealing with a pandemic that has caused trauma for so many. But then our children give us signs that we are doing right by them.  They say thank you, I love you or give us a hug out of nowhere. They bring up memories from things we did together that show the impact we have had on their lives.  And there are the times they create something for us.  Maybe it’s a picture, homemade card, even a story they make just for us.  Those of the gifts I love best.  For my recent birthday, Jenna made me a collage of pictures she put together.  The pictures were of different family members including me being goofy dad. Her collage gave me a small glimpse of how she sees me through her own eyes. It also gave me a glimpse that I’m doing alright as a dad and that’s the best gift any of us that have or work with children could ever ask for.

A Special Gift

 

October is here.  As my four kids remind me daily, Halloween is only four weeks away. Based on their excitement, it seems that it’s tomorrow. For many, Halloween is the start of the holiday season. Thanksgiving follows a few weeks later with Christmas and other celebrations soon thereafter.  Of course, the big box stores are telling us that it might already be the giving season.  That got me thinking about giving and gifts.

Giving and gifts can mean so many different things.  For our children, Halloween is an expedition to find the house that gives out full size candy bars. My kids know that there will be a Dad tax levied on their candy bounty so they plot to hide it before I can get to it. In our house, the Fall is also the start of the birthday cycle.  Every two months, one of our four children have a birthday. With their birthdays being so close to Christmas, each often creates a birthday and Christmas wish list starting in August. My wife and I are fortunate that we can provide our children with some of the gifts they desire but we truly focus on different types of giving.

Giving of one’s time doesn’t cost us anything but can make a huge difference.  Volunteering to a local charity or organization allows us to help our neighbors.  With the pandemic now affecting a third school year, many are feeling isolated and missing the connection with others. Sometimes the greatest gift we can give someone is simply to include them. This might be a relative, a neighbor or a child dealing with trauma and uncertainty caused and/or increased by the pandemic.

Giving our time to others might not seem like much.  Time is what it takes to build relationships and connections. I might be biased, but there is no group of people that give so freely of their time than educators do. Educators are not only teachers, but everyone that can make an impact in the life of a child. The good ones among us know that what we teach is not as important as how we teach and connect with our students. It includes spending time to get to know each of our students, to see them for who they are, and to provide them with opportunities to grow beyond their current understanding of the world. My youngest was given a gift from an educator that I must share.

The most important thing a parent can do is to spend time with their children. It doesn’t really matter what they do together but that the child feels safe and connected to the parent. I grew up in a single parent household.  My mother did the best she could but not having my father in my life truly affected me.  After the birth of each of my children, I’ve always worried if I am being the father they deserve as I didn’t have a role model.  One thing I’ve tried to do is spend one on one time with each child. This has turned into either going on an overnight trip or doing something fun together. My three oldest were able to make choices pretty quickly but my youngest, she is very different. She is a sweet and funny second grader but has the attitude you would expect of the baby in the family, just bigger. Recently, she told us about an exhibit about Vincent Van Gogh.  In the Beyond Van Gogh exhibit, his paintings come to life. She calls him “Mr. Van Gogh” and told us she had to go.  She learned about Van Gogh in art class from her teacher, Mrs. Quinn.  She seemed excited so how could I refuse some one on one time?

This past Saturday we went all by ourselves. As we entered, they scanned our tickets and told us about the three rooms to come.  I decided that she had to take the lead on where and when she wanted to move. The first room was a winding gallery about his life, but she didn’t seem too interested.  The second room was a waterfall of his paintings projected onto the wall and floor.  As she stood in front of me, I watched her look around. For a child that tends to constantly be on the move, she stayed in one spot seemingly absorbing the color and sounds. After almost 10 minutes, she told me it was time to move to the last room.  This final large room was filled with constantly changing colors from his paintings. She started pointing out paintings she recognized from class, told me what ones she liked best and asked what I thought. I watched my littlest one transform before my eyes as she interacted with the colors all around her. She chased images of flowers and got up close to paintings that she connected with. We took a seat on a bench, not saying anything, but enjoying the experience and time together. Even though we sat there for a quite some time, when she told me it was time to go, it all seemed so short.

I started this post talking about giving. In our capitalistic society, our minds quickly go to what to request or buy. Sometimes the gifts we receive are unexpected.  An art teacher gave my child a gift of love for “Mr. Van Gogh”. What she didn’t realize, she also gave a priceless gift that one Dad will never forget. Thank you, Mrs. Quinn, for being the teacher all students deserve.