Wednesday, January 19, 2022
Mental Health Benefits of Martial Arts
Monday, December 27, 2021
When We Stop Believing
As I sit to write this latest blog post, all is finally
quiet in the Hughes house. Well, as quiet as is possible with four kids, two dogs,
and two in-laws in a pear tree. It’s Christmas evening, so all the kids are
busy with their new presents. The adults are slowly passing out from the exhaustion
of getting ready for today. As parents, we spend far too much time worrying
about making everything perfect even though perfection is an impossible concept
to reach.
Christmas isn’t the only time, we as parents, do everything
we can to give our children the best.
Maybe it’s driving them to the seemingly endless list of activities. Some
of the them they ask us to take them to, while others we get them involved
without any expressed interest on their part. We want to give them as many
opportunities as possible to find their likes and dislikes. Other times, we try
to protect our little ones from hurt and even disappointment.
As parents, we carry on traditions passed down from our
parents, religion, or society. If you are reading this around your child, now
might be the time to make sure they are not reading along with you. Warning…Spoilers ahead! Some of those
traditions involve taking on the duties of magical creatures like the Tooth Fairy,
Easter Bunny, and ole Saint Nick. From the time we discover Santa and his friends
aren’t “real”, the holidays seem to lose some of their magic. But when we have
our first child, the holidays come with a greater importance. We now get to be the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy.
No one ever tells you how to do so or what to do, but the magic seems to come
back when we now can see it through the eyes of our children. We want to
preserve their innocence and the feeling of joy we get from seeing their smiling
faces as long as we possibly can. Time passes ever so quickly.
This week I experienced a loss of some of that joy. A few days ago, I walked into my oldest daughter’s
room, Jenna. She was talking with her older
and only brother, Evan. You know that gut feeling you get when your children suddenly
get quiet and seem to be up to something?
Well, that happened right then. Of
course, they said they weren’t doing anything, but a parent knows when there is
a disturbance in the Force. The next day, I found out what caused the disturbance. They were talking through how there could not
possibly a Santa Claus. My son used his new found middle school logic and maturity
while Jenna used her personal skills to deduce that Mom always changes the
subject when asked about Santa, the Tooth Fairy, etc. She also let me know that
she knew the Tooth Fairy wasn’t real for a long time, since she was nine. She
turns 11 in February 😊 While she was excited to help keep the
secret and move the Elf (thank you for wanting to move the evil Elf!) for her
younger sisters, I could see some of that innocence leave my son. Man, it did
not feel good. We knew this would happen someday. Well, that and the hair
growing on his upper lip and the deepening voice have been recent other clues. But
it’s still a gut punch to realize your first born is no longer a little
boy.
The recent events caused me to reflect on what it means to
believe in Santa and other traditions. It led me to think about how we don’t have
to stop believing in childhood experiences as our own children get older or as
we slowly turn gray. That the traditions we experienced and now pass onto all
of our children are truly about hope. Hope for the a better tomorrow. Hope for
their future and ours. It’s the same kind of hope that has kept educators going
during tough times in the classroom and especially during the pandemic. I’m not saying that as educators, we must
believe in Santa or other fictional characters. What we need to continue
believing in is the innocence of childhood, hope for their future and our role
in creating smile generating learning experiences.
Wednesday, December 8, 2021
Tell Me Your Story
Have you ever met someone that tells a good story? As they
tell the story, you are just pulled in and can imagine being there in the middle
of it all? Sometimes the story is funny, while at other times it’s filled with
challenges and tragic events. We all might not be gifted storytellers, but
every single one of us has a story to tell that deserves to be heard.
As educators, part of our job is to tell stories. Some of us
do this in the classic way of weaving together historical events to help
students better understand what and why things happened the way they did. Other
teachers use the written word through the perspective of various authors, past
and current, to provide context that can be factual or fictional. As a biology
and chemistry teacher, my goal was to tell a story by leaving out key bits of
information. Missing information requires students to follow a path of
scientific discovery to formulate a hypothesis and then conduct research to
determine the most likely reasons why things happen the way they do. The same process
can be applied when assisting students to uncover their own feelings and
stories.
One of the most significant tasks for every educator is
building a connection with their student while helping them to uncover, understand,
and appreciate their own stories. While we might experience some similar events
during our lifetimes, each of us has our own unique story. As human beings, our
brains evolved to look for patterns. The concept of “average”, or a single
typical example representing the whole, comes from our need to identify
patterns, even if they are wrong. This concept seems even more prevalent today.
If someone falls on either side of debate, they are either a Republican or a Democrat
or pro-this and anti-that. Once they are categorized as one party or the other,
far too many of us assume that everyone in that party thinks and believes the
same thing. Every person put into a pattern grouping is the exact same despite
their inherent differences and personal stories.
As someone who grew up in a rural farming community in
Western New York, almost everything was homogenized, whether we realized it or
not. Only after being exposed to the greater world, did I begin to truly realize
how different each of our experiences can be. Differences from one community to
another, from one neighborhood to another, and one person to another provide us
with much needed varied perspectives and understanding. These perspectives come
from the different stories each of us live. Some of the components in our
stories will be similar, even when we come from very different places,
geographically and culturally. The challenge is to listen and truly hear the
stories of those with different lived experiences, without being dismissive,
even if we may not agree with some of their perspectives, opinions, or ideas.
When we don’t acknowledge the stories of others, we do
irreparable harm to not only the people who are sharing them, but ourselves.
How can we truly understand ourselves if we fail to recognize the stories of
others? By failing to do so, we further isolate ourselves from other perspectives,
which in turn, reaffirms the beliefs and ideas of the circle we most often
tread. The concept of isolation in this context was a powerful realization for
me. I have Dr. Marck Abraham to thank for that. I not only consider Dr. Abraham
a colleague on a shared mission of making this world a better place, but also a
friend. We may come from very different lived experiences, but the passion we
share binds us together. By actively working to break down real and
self-created barriers to our isolation, we can begin to empathetically listen
to each other’s stories without looking to fix others. If we can open our ears,
minds, and hearts to others it means we are willing to affirm their truths thereby
providing a far richer story for all of us to share as one people.
Wednesday, December 1, 2021
Yes, Thankfulness is a Real Word
It’s hard not to think of this time of year as the
in-between time. The Thanksgiving holiday is behind us with Christmas, Kwanzaa
and Hannukah starting or about to very soon, quickly followed by a New Year. As
a Dad to four children, it feels like there is never enough time to do
everything that needs to be done during the holiday season. Time to pull the
decorations out of the attic, check the lights, put up the tree, get the kids
to please finish their lists for Santa, shopping, and baking (well the last two
are helping hide the gifts and tasting the cookies more than anything else) but
you get the idea. We hope that we can do everything to make it through the holidays
just to maybe get a breather. Do we ever truly take time to just relax and take
a deep breath?
This season causes so many of us to lose a part of our
minds. There’s the crush of Black Friday, even though the pandemic seemed to
lessen the normal rush and battles seen on the local news. The issues with the
supply chain have us nervous that we won’t be able to get the exact gifts our
loved ones really want. Despite record job growth and low unemployment, rising
prices have us all feeling worried. Then add on top of all that, the latest
news about a new COVID variant, it’s no wonder we all feel more stressed than
ever.
All of this got me thinking about what is means to be
grateful. As defined by the Oxford dictionary, grateful is an adjective,
whether feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness. To be grateful, there
must be a corresponding act from someone else. In other words, we can’t truly
be grateful unless someone else gives us a reason to through their actions.
This left me a bit complexed. Growing up, I always heard from adults, teachers,
my church, and others that you should be grateful for what you have. By
definition, the well-meaning push for us to show gratefulness, would be wrong
as it requires us to respond or rely on others in order to be grateful.
I’ve spent quite a bit of my time recently reading about
mindfulness, well-being, and our connection to others. From a biological
perspective, human beings need to feel connected to others despite what Spock
or Sheldon Cooper might say. The problem arises when we rely on connections to
be happy. All of us have experienced what it feels like to be in a toxic
relationship whether with a friend, significant other or family. If so much of
our happiness relies on the connection to others, even those that aren’t good
for our overall well-being, how can we also rely on others to be grateful? This
would mean our personal mental health also relies on others.
I believe there is a much better way. Yes, we should be
grateful but why can’t we focus on thankfulness? Before you ask, I did check to
see if thankfulness was a real word as it just sounds wrong because we don’t
use it. We tend to use gratefulness instead. So, what is the difference? While the
feeling of being grateful requires someone or something outside us to trigger it,
thankfulness is an act we initiate. We can exhibit thankfulness anytime we want
instead of waiting for an outside stimulus. If we think about it long enough,
wouldn’t our daily interactions and those around us be so much better if we all
began with a thankful mindset? With stores advertising and stocking Christmas
items before Halloween was even over, it’s no wonder that our hearts and minds are
displaced. We are far too focused outwardly, on the consumerism and politics
that surround us, instead of being thankful for being who we are and having
connections with others around us. Maybe if we all started with thankfulness,
much of the stress, trials, and tribulations we all allow ourselves to experience
so readily would matter less. We and our children would be better for it.
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